Gunny Walker

  In my rush to get to the antique tractor show at Wilson County Fair. I forgot to list what brought me happiness yesterday. The funniest thing from yesterday was the scene with the exercise machine from Lost In Translation. Bill Murray is a genius. I guess Sophia Coppola is as well.
  Of course, the antique tractor pull was a dud. At least nothing much happened before 11 at night. I saw some tractors break down and some little kids competing, but that was it. Unfortunately, these were antique tractors. So there were no mud slinging, chest rattling tractors there. It was just watching them creep along. One however lost its suitcase weights when it stalled out and the nose dropped back down. Then the weights fell off. Well, not just the weights but the bar holding on the weights. Then they had to leave it in the arena. Since none of them had the tools to take them off the bar, none of the guys could pick them up either.
  The whole thing got a little boring after about an hour.
  Today, what made me laugh is something that might be hard to explain. It was on Fark. Its this story about how China plans to invade the US. I thought, "Wow, this stuff is crazy. I wonder how real this is?"
  Then I clicked on the main site. I saw that he will be appearing at AryanFest. That's when I burst out loud. For some reason the idea of an AryanFest cracks me up. Actually this whole website cracks me up.
  Of course, it scares me a little. I've seen plenty of ideas like these. Maybe not this extreme, but a good ways there. I'm sure that there is a litmus test to see if I am cool with that. If I am then the real crazy stuff begins. Maybe the shaved head attracts them. I don't know. Maybe this is just something that all crackers in the South have to deal with.
  Of course, you have to hand it to this guy. He offers hosting to non-Jewish, straight, aryans only. (What no Catholic reference?) It offers web hosting for ANYTHING.
  He also offers ads on his site. I wonder just how pleased he would be if I wanted to host an inter-racial porn site. (I'm a non-Jewish, straight, cracker who just happens to like brown sugar.) Of if I wanted an ad for such a site.
  I'm off to read more wackiness.

  Okay, here's what's making me happy today. It's that I am such a hard worker.
  For the past few weeks, I've been doing a pretty hard job at work. I've been paired up with a worthless piece of crap so I've been pretty much carrying the whole show. Then they took me off for a day. Worthless had to defend for himself. Then halfway through the second day of Worthless fending for himself, I got sent back to the old job. It wore me out trying to catch back up, trying to fix what he had messed up, and trying to simply keep up with the incoming work. It didn't get caught up, but I actually did half the work that needed to be done.
  Well, tonight we had help. There were five of us doing the job. Worthless was there. I was there. Three other guys were there. That's what makes me happy. I guess my manager realized that I had been busting my butt at work and then sent three other guys.
  So that means that your old pal Gunny was doing the work of four people. I guess that I can take pride in the fact that I make a pretty good worker. One that the different departments fight to get.
  Of course, the new guys didn't really get it either. Ultimately, I had to help them all. Except for Worthless. He's on his own.
  That's of course how I got the nickname of Gunny. When I started working at Wal-Mart, there were two other guys that I worked with that had the same first name. Noting the fact that I walk slightly faster than most people, one of them said that I always looked like I was "Gunning to go some where." Therefore the fact that I was a "Gunny little fellow" stuck until it became my name. It has nothing to do with the military. Except for the fact that the boss at that time was a former drill sergeant. He's also part of the reason that I work so hard. Nothing makes you feel so ashamed as an old man yelling at you, "I'm more than twice your age. Why am I moving faster than you?"

  I should really start doing these happiness posts at the end of my day. Which oddly enough, is the first thing in the morning for most folks. I had a pretty rough night last night. Work is making it pretty hard not to piss and moan on the blog, but I promised you 31 days of happiness, and that's what you are going to get. (After all, what's a challenge if it's not difficult?)
  Today's happiness is "berber." No not the rug or the people. No, I mean the word. I've always said that "doody" is the funniest word in the English language, and I still stand by that claim.
Q: Why did the policeman stink so badly?
A: Because he was on doody.
  Doody is the kind of word that's funny to most people any time you can sneak it into a joke or serious discussion, but for me, berber is the word. Some times, it makes me smile to just croak it out like a bullfrog. Some times it's just the luxuriant impression that such a noble name gives to a cheap rug that can be bought at Wal-mart. Either way, it's a word that never fails to cheer me up. Try it yourself. Croak it out. Berber. Then laugh at the sheer silliness of my attachment to the word.
  Go on, I can take it.

  Really tired today for some reason. Probably because I did not sleep well today. So today's happiness for the day should be really corny jokes, but I am going to have to go with listening to Dan Baird's Love Songs for the Hearing Impaired. You probably know it. Let me post some of the lyrics.

Hey, back when I was going to school,
I never learned a thing
All I did was daydream
And wait for the bell to ring.
I had a certain teacher.
I always tried to impress her.
When she stood up in the classroom,
I would mentally undress her.
Then one day I decided
That I would write a little letter.
She said the spelling was a masterpiece.
The punctuation could be better.
I understood what she was saying.
I got the gist of her sentiment.
She said, "I don't mean to be degrading,
But here's the way that it should have went..."

I love you period
Do you love me question mark
Please please exclamation point
I wanna hold you in parentheses

  Of course, it's southern rock. It should be played loudly and sung badly. It was a song that I remember well because it reminded me of my HS English teacher, Ms Walker. Who coincidentally was pretty hot. (No relation, sicko.)
  Of course, the whole album has pretty funny lyrics. And probably musical qualities that would be regarded as sacrilegious by some one who knows how to play the instruments in the song. I would also like to include lyrics from the other great song from the album. The title is, well, I'll not give the surprise away...

I did not go to church last Sunday
Cause my sins I need not confess.
With your daddy standing at the pulpit,
I just figured staying home was best.
Your physique is swelling,
And your waist line is telling.
Everybody knows that it's mine.
I guess the word's got around
in this one story town,
And your preacher daddy, he's ain't blind.

Oh, you got knocked up,
and I got locked up.
I guess you'd say that we both got screwed.
You got locked out,
And I got knocked out,
And I guess you're going to miss a lotta school.

  That's all I'll post. I just find these so funny, that I felt that it was my responsibility to share these lyrics with world. Got to go to work now. Later.
(In motherland Russia, you don't post lyrics, lyrics post you.)

  Here's what makes me happy today. I am going to be able to attend both demolition derbys and the tractor show at Wilson County Fair this year. I am so geeked out about it. Working for Wal-mart as long as I did, I got pretty accustomed to working every weekend and holiday known to man. However, with my new job, I get every weekend off. Just think of the possibilites! I can hit all the haunted houses in Nashville this year. Twice! Even the crappy haunted woods.
  Well, I say crappy, but the truth is that they have the best maze I have ever seen. I looped around in it three times before I found the way out. I even went back out the entrance just to make sure that I wasn't at the exit.
  Anyway, that's what I am geeked out about today.

  Today's joy comes from The Muppet Show - Season One. (Which by the way, is available on DVD.) It's as Sam The Eagle describes as "My never-ending struggle to uplift these proceedings here are two distinguished professors, Doctor Arnold Nood and Frederick Nik, to discuss post-Dickensian economics." Of course, they are played by Peter Ustinov and Fozzie Bear. Ustinov best explains post Dickensian economics with a story.
  Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. (What else?) Who was visited by his fairy godmother. Now Benny's fairy godmother promised him that he would live forever under one condition: that he never, never shave again. Isn't that some condition? Now Benny never shaved after that. And do you know what? He lived to be 175 years old.
  Now one day Benny happened to meet a beautiful girl. It happens to anyone. And he fell in love. And the beautiful girl asked Benny to shave his beard off. When the fair godmother heard that Benny had shave, she got that mad. She turned Benny into a Grecian urn. And that only goes to prove the economic theory of "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

  Today was the Horton family reunion at Henry Horton State Park. My grandmother's maiden name was Horton. Of course, MeMa has changed her name back to Horton, so that made her the only Horton at the Horton family reunion. She has a brother, but he's in Oregon. It was a pretty good time with people that I hardly know how I am related to them.
  The thing that makes me happy today is the disc golf course. It's a good course. Not as pretty as Cedars of Lebanon's but just a challenging. It's also much better than Murfreesboro's course. It's not a good course, when it's in an open field.

  Today's thing that brings me happiness is Big Joe.
  Big Joe is a reporter on WKRN. He's the guy on the morning news that they send out to report on local events. Opening a new car dealership? Send out Big Joe. Getting a new Wal-Mart? Big Joe will be there. And if we can't find a local event for Big Joe to attend, then he'll just be at an ice house, coffee shop, or some other local business. It cracks me up to think what the conversations must at WKRN must be like. I imagine some director and lackie talking....

Director: So the Southern Women's Show is coming up. We need to send somebody.
Lackie: Dorinda?
Director: Heck no! We need to keep her available in case something important comes up.
Lackie: You're sending Heather?
Director: No, she's straight desk material. Don't be silly. We're sending Big Joe.
Lackie: Joe? Really?
Director: Yeah, why?
Lackie: Well, it is the Southern Women's Show.
Director: I know what the event is. I was the one that brought it up. What's your point.
Lackie: *sighs* Nothing, sir. Would you like him to eat a bug while he is there?
Director: No that's State Fair material.
Lackie: Un no sir, I think the State Fair material is to make him eat as much of one item as possible and then ride carnival rides. I believe the eat a bug routine is museum material.
Director: Yeah, even better was that time we made him eat 13 corn dogs on the tilt-a-whirl! He kept having to change shirts because he smeared mustard all over them.
Lackie: Are you sure that you want to send Joe?
Director: Yes! How many times do I have to tell you....
Lackie chimes in: Oh yes sir, I forgot. Big Joe is the "Jackass of News Channel 2." How could I forget? I saw him the other day and thought gee whiz. He looks like he could star in a movie just like that Johnny Knoxville.
Director: I don't find that Johnny Knoxville funny and I am not looking forward to watching him taint the legacy that is the Dukes of Hazzard. But it is funny watching him humiliate himself!
Lackie: Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Do you have anything that you would like Joe to do while he is there?
Director: Paint a birdhouse. Or knit something. What ever it is make it pink. And girly. And have him interview somebody that's not all there.
Lackie: He pretty much does that every time. I think its is his special talent. Its like he's a magnet.

  Man, my post have really gotten sour lately. That's why I am going to follow the challenge found here. The challenge is post for the month of August that which makes me happy. Every new day gets a new post and something new that brings me joy. Of course, it's already eleven days unto the new month, so you'll just have to settle for 31 days of happiness.
  The thing that brings me joy today is walking barefoot on hot asphalt. Its a warmth that you can feel through your bones. Assuming that it, that it isn't above 90 degrees outside. I went outside earlier today without shoes on and forgot about it. For some reason it reminds me of childhood. I guess because now that I am older, I am never foolish enough to run out without shoes, jacket, keys, etc.

  I have a pretty simple job. It's a monkey job. In the calendar department, most of the work is separating the cases in between the Borders book stores in the US. One in San Fran ordered five. One in Portland ordered eight. Yadda yadda yadda. Eventually the boxes get full and they push them back on the rollers. That's where I come in. I've been a taper for the past three weeks. I generally get the jobs that break other people's backs. (I like to think that I have a pretty strong back.) Of course, it's more than just taping boxes. It's stacking them as well. If I just taped them then I wouldn't be able to reach the new ones.
  Of course, this logic escaped the other guy they keep pairing me with. (Or did it?) Originally he just taped the boxes and left me to stack the boxes. That's pretty frustrating. I complained and was told "Well, its probably better that he's doing that because I think he's the one that mixing up the numbers."
  Oh so he's rarely working and when he does, he's messing things up? Yeah okay, then let him.
  Then last week there was a new game. He sat down in hiding spots where management couldn't see him. Of course, he got caught. Did he get fired?
  Las night was him following me around. He worked lines that only I worked. Therefore they would be light. (First shift tends to leave them full. So any that I haven't touched are pretty full.) Well, last night I started a new game. I am going to leave one line untouched. It can back up to the gates of Hell for all I care. If they say something to me, I plan to respond with, "Why don't you just put Worthless on it?" I'm waiting to how long it takes to notice.
  It's frustrating. I have a monkey's job. You don't have to even be able to read to do it. These guys can't even stack boxes well. Some thing that any five year old that plays with Legos could do. You don't even need to work, I guess. That guy was caught sitting down and nothing was said. Just trying to look busy is enough I guess.
  I enjoy my job. I get a good workout. A sense of a good nights work. Sense of importance. It's just the people that frustrate me. You are there to do a job. Either do it or leave. What's the point of threatening people for not working, if you aren't going to follow up on the punishment.
  I guess it works because I am a sucker.
  The message here (If I actually have one.) is stay in school people. Take it seriously. Go to college. Get a degree. If you can't, fight to get some kind of education. I look back on the fact that since HS, I have been working crap jobs.
  And just once I would like to not be asked on an application, "Do you have any felonies? If so, explain."

  So I was reading here after being referred from this. It's a post about how much people are unwilling to celebrate things that are not kosher. We don't read Harry Potter, because it is about magic. We don't support magic at all. We don't watch Barney, because he is a goy.
  Of course, when I say "we," I'm just being facetious. I'm actually a goy myself. If you aren't, then you shouldn't be reading this. That post struck me particularly hard. It frustrated me. It shows a group of people that follow their religion to the point of obsession.
  Don't get me wrong. God is great. God is good. I try to thank him for my food on a regular basis. The thing is to turn down something just because it's not overtly spiritual is wrong. Barney a pretty good dinosaur. He loves me. I... tolerate him. We're a happy evolutionary tree. Harry Potter isn't about magic. It's about psychology. It's about how all kids feel that they are destined for greatness. They just wish that they could do something magical that could make them stand out and not just be that kid with a scar on their head, funked up hair, poor aim in dodgeball.
  It just aggravates me to see people limit themselves because some one else told them to do so. It shows that a person can not or will not think for themselves. They take only what is given to them. To quit thinking for yourself is a dangerous place to be. I'll give an example of people who would not vary from the religious authority.
  Well one of the big ones is Galileo. One of the few guys to rock the single name concept way before Prince or Madonna. He claimed that the Earth moved around the Sun, but the church knew that all the heavens rotated around the Earth because in Joshua 10:13 it says that God stopped the Sun. That means that it was moving around the Earth. To contradict it is blasphemy.
  Of course, there is the whole evolution debate. We couldn't have evolved from monkeys because God made man. The problem is that it doesn't say how. And even if we find out that it was evolution, that still leaves a lot of mystery there. It actually creates more mystery about God. I'd like to see people use evolution to disprove God. As Galileo said, "The Bible tells you how to go to heaven, not how the heavens go."
  Of course, we all know that Pharoah's heart hardened, but does it make it a sin to find out that it was probably because he was frying all those frogs?
  I had some one once tell me that there can be no aliens. I said that there are a lot of planets out there. I figured it was possible that there could be another planet with life out there. I was told that the Bible says God created the heavens and the Earth. I was told there can only be one Earth because the Bible said so. I countered with the fact that they probably don't speak English, so there probably be only one Earth. It would be called Greeble or something. That comment was not received well. Of course, I never noticed the fact that there must be multiple heavens. Maybe there are nine layers just like Hell.
  I get angry when Christians are tee-totallers. Didn't Jesus turn water into wine. Was that a blessing or a curse? Because if wine is wrong, then wouldn't that be a curse? Also in First Timothy, Paul says to not be a drunkard. I take that to mean that it is okay to drink a little. Just don't be an alcoholic. Of course, I don't like a lot of things about First Timothy. It says that you should let your husband beat you. Women are damned. They may only be redeemed by raising good children. So breed early, breed often.
  Then there's the whole "sticking to your own kind" argument. I can't even remember where this one is and am tired of looking for it. That's the number one argument that inter-racial marriages are wrong. That I shouldn't date anybody but white people. That's so frustrating, that I can't even begin to point out how wrong that is.
  Look the Bible teaches to love you neighbor and to love God. If I have to know whether some thing is right or wrong, I ask myself. Does this hurt God? Does this hurt my fellow man? If it doesn't then probably okay. (Well, so long as it doesn't hurt myself either.) Of course, I'd like to think that when I get to Heaven, God would say, "Well, you didn't get it all right, but you tried. I guess we can let you in."
  It just frustrates me when people force others to be ignorant. If we aren't to think for ourselves why did God give us brains?
  There I've ranted and I feel better now. I'm leaving and I'll be taking my soap box with me.

Have you ever seen Citizen Ruth? It's a movie directed by the same guy who directed Election and Sideways. It's the story of Ruth, a paint huffer who is picked up for her umpteenth arrest. She has been stripped of four children, two of which are raised by her own brother, They are close enough to see, but far away enough to be in a different world.
  Ruth finds out that she is pregnant and the city attorney is trying to prosecute her for endangerment of her fetus. The judge later points out in his chamber that "If she wants to see the doctor while in prison, no one will stop her."
  Of course, while she is locked up she happens across a few people arrested for protesting an abortion clinic. Enter the Babysavers. Ruth becomes a national news item as she becomes a national precedent. Of course, the pro-choice side wants to get hold of her as well. Both sides battle over her.
  The Babysavers want to show that not being able to afford the baby should never factor in deciding whether or not it should live. They offer a check for 15,000 dollars at the birth of baby Tanya. The pro-choicers counter with the same amount. Under the table of course. Both sides want to make it known that they are not offering money to sway Ruth's thoughts as bidding war ensues. For the first time in her life, Ruth is actually worth something.
  The major dilemma is that she actually has to make a choice. Will she get an abortion? Will she keep the baby? For the first time in a long time, Ruth has to make a choice.
  It's a great comedy that shows the absurdities of both sides without telling the viewer what's wrong or right. It's up to you to make a decision. Like Ruth, it's emotional for even the viewer to consider what the outcome should be. If it isn't, then maybe you aren't weighing all the factors. Ruth comes to a difficult, and dangerous, decision at the end. The only question left is where will it lead? Down the same path that she has always been down or to a higher plane.
  Watch Citizen Ruth, if only for the comedy. Remember however that is rated R for some very good reasons.

  Today's joke goes as follows...
  What time is it when your clock strikes 13?
  It's one in the afternoon, stupid.
  "Oh yeah, and by the way could you quit filling out your time cards in military time. I guess not every one can read that."
  Wow, they can't subtract 12? Maybe I need to start watching my paycheck stubs a little closer to make sure that my employer doesn't miss a few fingers and toes.

  "They've had me opening boxes all night. Man, they can just hire some Mexican to do that."
  A co-worker said that to me the other night and I was shocked. After all, it's not like opening boxes is that hard of a job to do. Of course, that's the problem with people today. It seems like no one wants to work. (Well, I don't want to work either, but I do enjoy eating.) Last night, I got tired of finding the new guy last night standing around by the desk. Or talking on his phone. The way I see it you take a job and that means you work the whole time. If you want to stand by the desk chatting or talk on the phone then you get to do that for free. Of course, I am contradicting the American way, because some of the hardest working people that we have at my job weren't born in this country. I guess they know how lucky they are to be busting their bums in the US of A.
  The problem is that people are too willing to give the job to "some Mexican." Of course, the Mexicans are smart and they will glad take our manufacturing jobs as well. It's called NAFTA. (I'm not bashing laziness not NAFTA.) Either all jobs are worth saving or none are.
  Of course, I guess I sound like a union guy, but I don't mean to sound like one. I worked at Wal-Mart for nine years and never wanted to join a union. I think that unions are corrupt. I worked a unionized job once. Of course, I never actually joined the union. No one even approached me to join. The union guy spent all his time flirting with the girls on my line. Eventually, I was laid off that job. (It was an air conditioning factory after all.) Of course, I'm pretty sure that the union wouldn't have done a darn thing for me after I was laid off. I knew a guy who worked at Firestone/Bridgestone. They are union. He told me one day when they were upset about something and he said to his co-worker to "Go slow." He said that he made only 27 tires that day.
  That's wrong. My opinion is that you either work hard or don't work at all. You don't get paid to half-ass it. That's just wrong.
  Have you heard about the latest union split. One third of the AFL-CIO is leaving. It seems that they are upset over the fact that AFL-CIO has been giving money to politicians instead of using the money to beef up memberships. Unions have dropped off more than they care to admit. Of course, the best way to get new members? Find me and others like me a job. Can I walk into the AFL-CIO and get a job like a temp agency. If they can find me a good job, what's going to prevent me from joining them. What better way to show that they are looking out for me than finding me a good job?