Gunny Walker

  The most annoying thing about vacationing with and/or visiting family is this.
  "Are you hungry?"
  This starts more feuds than any other niceties in my family. Actually all the niceties start a war.
  There are great argument starters such as...

• "You paid the ticket last time. I'm paying this time."
  
• "What do you want to do?"
  
• "I heard you like museums. We have one just down the road." I visited two museums in Portland and have now been classified as a museum frequenter. Truth is what ever I do on the first day is what people suggest for the rest of the trip.
  
• "Well, if you're paying for the ticket, then I'm paying for the tip"
  
• "Are you thirsty? We've got beer, Pepsi, Verner's, apple juice..." And at least eight other drinks.
  
• "You just want water?"
  
• "Did you not see the salad dressing?" (I like them dry.)

  The biggest one has to be the whole meal thing. MeMa needs to eat small meals frequently. If she doesn't, the demons act up. She can't handle lettuce, too much bread and the doctor said cut out the "fatty foods." So then she escalates it to "Are you getting hungry." That means I don't want to inconvenience you.
  "Look I know you need to eat often. Do you need to eat?"
  "My stomach is getting empty."
  "Good we're eating then. What do you want?"
  "What do you want?"
  "Mexican food, with lots of jalapenos and red sauce."
  "I don't know if I can eat that."
  "Then pick something."
  "I'll eat whatever you want."
  "Okay, Mexican it is then. Unless you want Subway." Which has lots of bread.
  "Do they have something other than sandwiches?"
  argument continues.
  This explains a lot about me. We're too darn polite. We wind up dancing around the issue and then kill an hour talking about eating before we actually do it. Several times during this vacation (as with many others) at MeMa saying, "Look if you are tired/hungry/bored let me know. Otherwise you are going to suffer. I'm getting tired of these niceties."
  That's why a lot of people think I'm rude. It's because I am honest. Brutally so. And it shocks family when I am completely honest instead of biting my tongue. My uncle (MeMa's son) came to the Christmas party one year and said, "Hey what happened to all you hair?"
  I almost snapped back with "Hey, I haven't seen you here in three years. Heck, I just assumed you died, old man."
  See I have manners. Sometimes I bite my tongue. And I'll only attack if you attack first.
  Another thing I hate: Professionalism.