Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Gee Whiz, does my back hurt today! Why do you ask, well I think after two days of thinking about it I've learned what it is. We've gotten these new carts at big-time-corporate-antichrist. Well, they have a shelf on them. So the way that I have been getting things off the bottom shelf is bending over and spinning a quarter turn so that I may be under the top shelf. The carts are about two by two feet, so I've been lazy. (Yeah, I know bend at the knees. I've actually had a back injusry, so I know what it's like. I'm just a slacker.) Well, that means that I have been stooping and twisting improperly. About the only way that I could make it any harder on my back is to have a bowling pin in my front pocket.
So anyway, I would like to make announcement. Some people already know about it, but now that it's going up on the website, it's official. I am going to be a bovitarian. (That means I won't be eating any more beef.) Yes, I know it's a made up word. No, bovitarian does not have to mean that ALL I eat are cattle. After all, what does a humanitarian eat? Not humans. That means that I can make up the word. Unless you have one better.
Why am I going to be a bovitarian? Because I am ashamed of the beef industry. Years ago, they tried to sue Oprah for saying that it was a scary time to be eating beef because of Mad Cow Disease. They said that there was nothing to worry about Mad Cow Disease (BSE) was only in Europe. Well, surprise, surprise guess what showed up in the good old U.S. of A? Who's trustworthy now? The USDA has come out with some new guidelines. Here they are...
Well, I had to take the bowling pin out of my front pocket. The monkey won't leave it alone.
On AOL today, there is a story about the Amish diet. What keeps them so slim? they eat foods high in fat and carbs, yet they are the fittest people in America. Here's a clue. They are Amish. No electricity, phones, tv, doritos, sunday afternoon football. You see, they have this resistance to all things modern. Even things that we wouldn't call modern, like ball point pens or rotary phones. That means they actually have to work hard for a living. It's called exercise. But we're just to lazy for that aren't we? No what we need is a pill, or some potato chips with that new soy oil, or some sort of powder stuff at the health food store, that will make it easy to lose weight. No, we have to do everything the easy way, and isn't that what makes us so fat in the first place? Go ask the Amish.
Yes, there are monkeys at work. We just don't beat ourselves if we stand in one spot too long. Sheesh!
So anyway, I would like to make announcement. Some people already know about it, but now that it's going up on the website, it's official. I am going to be a bovitarian. (That means I won't be eating any more beef.) Yes, I know it's a made up word. No, bovitarian does not have to mean that ALL I eat are cattle. After all, what does a humanitarian eat? Not humans. That means that I can make up the word. Unless you have one better.
Why am I going to be a bovitarian? Because I am ashamed of the beef industry. Years ago, they tried to sue Oprah for saying that it was a scary time to be eating beef because of Mad Cow Disease. They said that there was nothing to worry about Mad Cow Disease (BSE) was only in Europe. Well, surprise, surprise guess what showed up in the good old U.S. of A? Who's trustworthy now? The USDA has come out with some new guidelines. Here they are...
- Effectively immediately, USDA will ban all downer cattle from the human food chain. USDA will continue its BSE surveillance program.
- USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service inspectors will no longer mark cattle tested for BSE as “inspected and passed” until confirmation is received that the animals have, in fact, tested negative for BSE. This new policy will be in the form of an interpretive rule that will be published in the Federal Register.
- Effective immediately upon publication in the Federal Register, USDA will enhance its regulations by declaring as specified risk materials skull, brain, trigeminal ganglia, eyes, vertebral column, spinal cord and dorsal root ganglia of cattle over 30 months of age and the small intestine of cattle of all ages, thus prohibiting their use in the human food supply. Tonsils from all cattle are already considered inedible and therefore do not enter the food supply. These enhancements are consistent with the actions taken by Canada after the discovery of BSE in May.
- AMR is an industrial technology that removes muscle tissue from the bone of beef carcasses under high pressure without incorporating bone material when operated properly. AMR product can be labeled as “meat.” FSIS has previously had regulations in place that prohibit spinal cord from being included in products labeled as “meat.” The regulation, effective upon publication in the Federal Register, expands that prohibition to include dorsal root ganglia, clusters of nerve cells connected to the spinal cord along the vertebrae column, in addition to spinal cord tissue. Like spinal cord, the dorsal root ganglia may also contain BSE infectivity if the animal is infected. In addition, because the vertebral column and skull in cattle 30 months and older will be considered inedible, it cannot be used for AMR.
- To ensure that portions of the brain are not dislocated into the tissues of the carcass as a consequence of humanely stunning cattle during the slaughter process, FSIS is issuing a regulation to ban the practice of air-injection stunning.
- USDA will prohibit use of mechanically separated meat in human food.
We will only sell sick cattle if we DON'T know what killed them.
We wil not label cattle as "inspected and passed" until they have been INSPECTED and PASSED. Of course, we will write this law so that it may be left open to interpretation.
We won't be putting all that stuff you don't want to know about in hot dogs anymore. We'd also like to announce that due to new regulations, doggie treats are going to get a whole lot cheaper. Dang, you mean them Canadians actually had a GOOD idea?
We've been pretty determined to get all the "meat stuffs" we could lay our hands on. As a matter of fact, we haven't seen anything squeezed as hard as these cattle since that time that Johnnie gave himself a hernia after we dared him to eat five pounds of mozzarella. We'll try to keep an eye on what we've been calling "meat."
We'll quit treating cows like party balloons.
We've created new jobs for the economy! (Re-elect Bush)
Well, I had to take the bowling pin out of my front pocket. The monkey won't leave it alone.
On AOL today, there is a story about the Amish diet. What keeps them so slim? they eat foods high in fat and carbs, yet they are the fittest people in America. Here's a clue. They are Amish. No electricity, phones, tv, doritos, sunday afternoon football. You see, they have this resistance to all things modern. Even things that we wouldn't call modern, like ball point pens or rotary phones. That means they actually have to work hard for a living. It's called exercise. But we're just to lazy for that aren't we? No what we need is a pill, or some potato chips with that new soy oil, or some sort of powder stuff at the health food store, that will make it easy to lose weight. No, we have to do everything the easy way, and isn't that what makes us so fat in the first place? Go ask the Amish.
Yes, there are monkeys at work. We just don't beat ourselves if we stand in one spot too long. Sheesh!
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